Mental floss

The Soul Graffiti course has begun. Before I dive into that, I need to clear my slate and share a few things with you before they recede into complete irrelevance. First, on a recent day my spam folder -- usually a vile, foaming cesspool -- was glittering with little gems:

• Unemployed To Be Used For Soup
• Mike Tyson To Fight Michael Jackson
• Laika The Russian Space Dog, Returns To Earth
• Polar Bear Finds Yoga Great For Flexibility, But Murder On The Balls
• Sarah Jessica Parker Arrested For Gross Negligee
• 2008 Presidential Election Results Leaked

The flow of fun Subject-fields quickly stopped, and has never resumed; some sort of glitch in the SpamMatrix I guess. I traced a couple of these to The Onion and elsewhere, but others had more obscure sources. (I don't think spammers sit around thinking up funny headlines.)

Another kind of mental flotsam might be titled "wait, am I laughing with you, or at you?" Recent examples:

• "Gratification so instant, it already happened" (Nestea billboard)
• "Even hotdogs get extreme makeovers" (sign for Auntie Annie's Pretzel Dogs)
• "Fear the turtle" (University of Maryland signs)

OK. Thank you for letting me get that off my chest. Sorry to have wasted 2 minutes of your life. It can only go up from here.